Happy Saturday! Some of you don’t know I have a blogspot blog as well (slightly defunct). But Facebook did that memories thing and 5 years ago I posted this and wanted to share. As you get ready to enjoy your Saturday a mini think read for your morning pleasure….
BriteComplexity in the City All of me from Make-up to Fashion, God to relationships, music to ministry. ALL of meOCT
It’s 3am, you’re nestled in bed and you smell smoke. FIRE! This is about that time that age old question pops in your head “If your house is on fire, and you can only take what you can carry, what do you grab?”
In college, in one of those many psyche classes, they asked us that very same question: “Dorm is on fire what do you grab if anything?” Most of answered “as many CD’s as we could carry and our Discman.” Which meant to most of us the most important things in our lives at that time was music. Rightfully so, it was college, college in the south at that, music was your history, present, future, it was the marker that defined you.
And now in my adult life I find myself asking that very same question. My life is in 3AM mode, I’m sleeping restfuly; I smell smoke and wake up. There’s a fire and I have to grab what I can and leave the rest behind. So what do I grab?
The fact is I’m more than CD’s now. I’m books, shoes, clothes, jewelry…Junk. My life has become weighed down by crap I have just let chill. And it’s affecting me. Its 3AM there is fire all around and I don’t know what means most. Some things are about to get lost in the fire.
The fire fear has me looking at things in a new way. I honestly don’t want to be forced to let anything go, so I’m giving it away freely…I’m forcing myself to live without. It’s hard, but it feels good *pause*.
In life we learn to accumulate. Like some crazy rite of passage we keep taking on more and letting go of nothing. Then one day you wake up and your life is full of crap. Physical crap, mental crap, crap crap. And what do you let go of? But think quick and let it go because remember its 3AM, your house is on fire and you have to get out.
I always think about Erykah Badu’s “bag lady” when letting stuff go comes to mind.
“Bag lady, you gon’ miss your bus
You can’t hurry up cuz you got too much stuff
When they see you coming; n*ggas take off running
From you it’s true, oh yes they do”
We get hurt and want to hold onto the pain and justify being vicious, vindictive, bitter, hateful, whoreish. Because someone did something to us first right? They hurt you and you weren’t strong enough to throw it off, you weren’t big enough to shake it off and grow from it. Instead you hold onto it, let it pile up, clutter your space, invade your territory, pollute your personal space, so much to the point where no one else can be around you. There is no space. Your crap takes up to much room.
I started off small. Can I go without sweets for my financial gain and wellness? Yes. Can I let go of clothes, shoes, and general junk to free up my space? Yes? Can I let go of people, and situations for the bettering of myself? That took a lot more work but yes. And I’ve been working on it for YEARS.
Getting rid of people baggage is tricky. It hooks itself in you and it takes root. It’s unlike any baggage you’ll ever pick up. In some instances it’s like weeds… you find yourself on your knees in the dirt pulling and picking and ripping, feverishly working to get those weeds out of your garden because they will surely kill all of the good things you’ve planted…
But it has to go. And shedding feels great. To wake up and put your feet on a clean floor and mosey through a clean house is awesome. Imagine what clearing polluted people out of your life feel like? There is no one to pollute your personal space, you don’t stink as a result of someone else’s funk, and you are free. And free feels good… free doesn’t bind you up, you don’t trip over it late at night… you never avoid going home to free. No one runs from you. You aren’t the THAT person that people purposely avoid because they can’t stand being around you and your funky baggage.
I find that when I talk to my friends and we discuss what is going on in each other’s lives, the things we are letting go of, the things we are holding onto; the one thing I always say (about one friend in particular) is “Has she reached her lowest low yet?”
The burning comes when you reach your lowest low. When its 3AM and you are surrounded by flames, THAT is your lowest low… you take what matters most and run, or you burn and die amidst the flames trying to hold onto everything that in the end really means nothing.
This isn’t “Up in the Air” and I’m not telling you to live a life of isolation or to fit your life in one bag, I’m simply suggesting you pack light. When you feel that fire whip at your heels, clarity comes. It snaps that behind back into focus, and either you clear up and see what means most, or the flames consume you. And you have to wonder, is it worth it? Is holding onto the hurt, and bitterness, and violation that someone else caused you worth YOU burning up in flames? Let those hurts burn in the fire. Let the flames eat up the bitterness, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the anger. Lose the old you in the fire…pack light. Walk out whole, and unaffected.
3AM is approaching and I smell smoke, did you pack light?
Posted 17th October 2010 by BriteComplexity