The Natural Girl who considered a Relaxer

Is it okay to say you are in an “I hate my natural hair” phase?


The many phases and stages of my natural hair


In a way, I feel like a natural hair pioneer because I’d big chopped before it was cool and “the thing” to do; but sort of stayed “low key” (I feel like the term low key is relative to current standards of over share and over love) because it was a “me” thing and not a movement thing. I’ll be candid and say – I’ve only mentioned this one time in a natural hair article I was featured in – the big chop only happened because people kept asking what I was mixed with. Me. I’m not that light. But that question coupled with coming from a chocolate family had me grasping for all the blackness I could get short of becoming ankh.

And then, when I was finally coming to terms with me and my blackness and comfort in my skin, it picked up steam and black women were loving themselves and I was like “Hey! I love me too!” We were standing up and saying “love me as I am!” “I am not my hair!” But…we were our hair. It was just an extreme on the other end of the spectrum. Instead of spending your entire Saturday getting a relaxer or a wash and wrap; you’re now spending 2+ hours a night braiding, twisting, stretching, contorting and manipulating your hair to achieve the perfect twist out, afro puff or myriad of natural hair styles. Instead of being a slave to creamy crack, we are slaves to coconut oil.

But I had that to do. I was single with nothing to do so why not right? Years later (still single) I just don’t have it to do anymore. I’ve been twisting my hair for like two weeks and I am sick. I’ve only been to the gym 3 times, I don’t get to bed before midnight, and these last two days I swear I just said forget it and rocked a Ceily. And I tell ya… you know how they say behind every selfie there are 52 that didn’t make the cut? Behind every “quick” protective style or “effortless twist outs” is hundreds of hours mastering said “simple” style. We lie. We agonize for 5 days to look cute for 2. That’s the wrong use of the 5/2 rule.


I am the natural girl who considered a relaxer because I’ve just about had enough.

I’m trying to hold out…my brothers wedding is in a few months and I don’t want to make any hasty hair decisions as wedding pictures last a lifetime. However something has to give. I mean, it’s 2016. It’s time.

Length is cool and I actually like my length when shrinkage lets me live but it’s ease at this point. I think sometimes we are afraid to move or speak or express frustration because of hair bullies. Well, I’m sharing so that if you feel this way you know that you aren’t alone. Sometimes you have to do what works for you. And expressing what doesn’t work for you can sometimes help in that process.



  1. I get that feeling too … just to relax but then I just remember how relaxer was on my hair … There were days were it was flawless n there were days where I wish I had more volume. On days where I feel like relaxing my hair I just go to the hair salon and tell them to straighten it n it lasts till my next wash. Then I come to my senses of not relaxing

    • The volume!!!!!!!! That is what keeps me at bay lol. A relaxer always left me flat 😔but it’s weighing the pros and the cons! With a relaxer, the same hair I started my workout with (length and style) is what I ended with. Not so au natural unless it’s braided. Another plus? I wash my hair less. With a relaxer you playing games trying to stretch it to two weeks. Natural, two-three weeks between wash is the norm… It’s all about perspective which is what I’m trying to have but I’d be lying if I said dealing with my hair isn’t frustrating. Good to know I’m not alone!

      • Yeah u are definitely not alone. I normally get frustrated when my hair is out for long periods of time. Like 2 months then I am on the brink of cutting it or relaxing it.

        But now I have a plan … as soon as I start having negative thoughts about my hair I quickly put it in protective styling. I always thank myself later cause I wasn’t thinking right.

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